服用“女用伟哥”是怎样一种体验

时间:2017-12-07 编辑:莹莹 手机版

  I was raised Southern Baptist in the Deep South. Sex was something you didn’t talk about. As a woman, you certainly didn’t talk about wanting or enjoying it. I was taught that sex was about procreation, not recreation.

  I met my husband, Ben, in 2005. We had both previously been married, and we approached our relationship with an open dialogue about what we would do differently and what we thought was important. There were no inhibitions, and our relationship was sexually charged.

  Then around 2008, it felt like something was missing. Before, I’d been an active initiator—flirty, playful, and frisky. But now, there was a lack of oomph and interest. I found myself trying to be asleep before he came to bed and avoiding those intimate times.

  It wasn’t that when we were together, things weren’t great, because they were. I don’t have an arousal problem, and it’s not that I don’t enjoy sex or that I don’t orgasm. From my neck down, my body responds perfectly. What’s missing is the lack of desire to start. I became an obligatory participant instead of an initiator.

  My doctor told me to buy a vibrator, which didn’t help, and that what I was experiencing was a natural part of aging. I began to worry, and unknown to me, Ben started to worry, too. A few months later, I was in the doctor’s office again and saw a flier about hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD). Reading the symptoms, it felt like a light bulb was going off. Part of me was elated: I’m not just getting old. Another part of me was terrified: What if this can’t be fixed?

  After a thorough evaluation, I was diagnosed with HSDD, and I decided to be part of the trial for Flibanserin, which has been dubbed the “female Viagra.” That description isn’t right: What I have isn’t a functional problem. Viagra sends blood flow down to the penis so that it gets erect. You can send blood flow to my vagina all day long and that’s not going to make me want to have sex. My problem is that my brain doesn’t feel desire.

  About two weeks into the trial, I was texting Ben in the middle of the day when I realized that I wanted to have sex. I had a flutter, and I don’t mean in my heart. So I texted him, “I think this is working.” I was back to my normal self.

  Part of my hesitation about the drug was the stigma attached to it. Would I become a sex kitten? Would I want this all the time? Would I want to jump the bones of any man I saw? But instead, it was like filling back up a half-empty glass of water. It brought me back to where I was. Before long, I was the one suggesting we skip dessert and go back home to bed.

  The quality of our sex during the trial was much different. I was taught that for sex, men need a place, and women need a reason. But what I found was that Ben responded differently to me when he knew I wanted him. It turned him on in a different way, and watching his reaction turned me on, too.

  We were also finally talking openly about sex. I think this intimacy saved our relationship. That’s why I’m so passionate about this pill and have testified about it before the FDA. There are so many couples that don’t talk about sex and don’t realize what’s wrong. They think that once they’re 50, they’re done. I’m 52. I don’t want to think that I’m done wanting to have sex.

  I was on the trial for eight months, and after the FDA canceled the trial, my desire went away. I’ve tried other things. I read 50 Shades of Grey at least 12 times, and incorporated the fun, frisky stuff from that. I even tried testosterone, but I found that it worked much better in the workout room than the bedroom, and I was concerned about the side effects that I was experiencing.

  Some people have told me that all I need is a bar of chocolate, or a glass of wine, or a beach in Tahiti, or a new partner. I get that. For a large number of women, that might be the case, and they are likely not HSDD patients. I’ve tried talking to therapists, and I think that can work for many people, too. But I’ve talked about it until I was blue in the face, and for me, all of those solutions are simply temporary fixes.

  There are lots of products to help women get aroused and lubricated. This is the one thing that’s missing. I know this pill worked for me. It’s currently under review by FDA, and I hope that it’s approved. I want to want my husband again.

  我从小在一个美国南部浸信会家庭长大。人们从来不谈“性”这个话题。作为一名女性,没人会将自己“想要”或“享受它”宣之于口。我受到的教育是:性是为了生儿育女,而不是享乐。

  2005年,我遇到了现在的丈夫本。我俩此前都有过婚史。交往后,我们一直开诚布公,坦率交流在这段关系中可以做出哪些与以往不同的改变,哪些东西双方认为是重要的。我们无需压抑自己,二人世界充满“性福”。

  但到了2008年前后,某些东西好像消失了。在那之前我一直很主动,爱挑逗,爱嬉闹,活蹦乱跳。现在,我们之间却没了吸引力和兴趣。我总是设法在他上床前就睡着,以免跟他亲热。

  这并不是说我们在一起时感觉不美妙,情况恰恰相反。我在感到性奋方面没有问题,而且也不是不享受这个过程或者没有高潮。从脖子往下,我的身体能做出完美的反应。我缺乏的是开始这一切的欲望。我从主动的发起者变成了例行公事的参与者。

  医生让我去买给男士用的伟哥,但并不奏效,我经历的是自然衰老的一部分。我开始焦虑,变得不认识自己,本也开始担心起来。几个月后,我又去了医院。在医生办公室里,我看到了有关性欲减退(HSDD)的宣传材料。那上面说,这种情况就像一只灯泡慢慢熄灭。这让我喜忧参半,喜的是我的问题并不是因为变老,忧的是如果从此好不起来了可怎么办?

  经过充分评估,我被确诊为性欲减退。我随即决定参加“氟班色林”的临床试验,人们通常称它“女用伟哥”。但这个称呼并不恰当,因为我的身体机能没有问题。伟哥的作用是促进男性生殖器血液循环,以便勃起。我的性器官血液循环很正常,但这并不能让我产生欲望。我的问题在于:大脑没了这样的欲望。

  参加临床试验两周后,我在某天中午发现自己想要了,于是我给本发了短信。我跃跃欲试,而且这种感觉不只是想想。所以我给本发短信说:“我觉得它有用。”自己终于恢复正常了。

  但由于这种药一些难以启齿的名声,我有点犹豫不决。我会变得很风骚吗?会欲壑难平吗?会对任何男人都感性趣吗?但实际上,这就像把半满的杯子加满一样。它让我恢复了以前的状态。很快,我就开始跟本说,咱们别吃甜点了,回家亲热一下吧。

  参加临床试验期间,我们的性生活质量有了巨大变化。在我看来,对于性,男人需要的是一个地方,女人则需要一个理由。我发现,当本知道我想做爱的时候,他对我的态度就会变得不一样。他变性奋的途径跟我不同,看着他的反应也会让我产生欲望。

  最终,我们开始大方地讨论性这个话题。我觉得是性福生活挽救了我们的关系。正是出于这个原因,我才这么支持这种药,并为它到食品药品监督管理局(FDA)作证。太多的夫妻都不谈论他们的性生活,也没有意识到哪里出了问题。他们觉得过了50岁就再也没有这方面的需求了。我已经52岁了,我可不希望自己不再期盼性福生活。

  我参加了八个月的临床试验,然后FDA叫停了这项工作,我的欲望也随之消失。我尝试了其他办法。《50度灰》我至少读了12遍,还尝试了书中提到的那些“趣味活动”。我甚至服用过睾酮,但我发现它让我在健身房大发神威,在卧室的效果却差很多,而且还产生了让我担心的副作用。

  有人告诉我,我需要的只是一块巧克力、或者一杯红酒、或者是塔希提岛上的一块沙滩、或者一位新的伴侣。我知道那是什么意思。对很多女性来说,这也许行得通,但她们可能都没有性欲减退的问题。我和治疗师沟通过,我觉得这些方法对许多人都会起作用。但我在这方面已经费尽唇舌,对我来说所有这些解决方案都只是权宜之计。

  帮助女性获得性福感的产品非常多,但就是没有这种药。我知道它能治好我。目前FDA正在审核该药,我希望它能通过审批。我还想再对自己的丈夫产生激情。

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